07.06.2022

“I don’t have pet peeves. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds, okay? And it makes the world a lot easier to sort out.”

— George Carlin

This text was copied directly from an email I sent to my list on July 6, 2022. You can sign up to receive your weekly dose of compassion for the plight of the high achiever here.

I don't relate at all to people who bury their anger, unaware they're even upset.

My anger rises in a hot flash, quickly and easily in response to certain triggers.

It's a heat-seeking missile, raring to go where the first available target is—and I know I'm not the only high achiever to experience this.

Often. 😳 Because, well—

Nothing, but nothing, gets a high achiever's goat like being forced to deal with someone acting slow, stupid or rude.

This got a big response on my Instagram stories, and the consensus is, it’s a maddeningly common occurrence!

Take, for example, a misunderstanding with my latest Airbnb host that escalated...

Voice of Anger: Because he's an IDIOT —

He’d promised something, then doubled back without explaining. I voiced my frustration to him plainly, stating, "I feel frustrated by this."

Voice of Anger: Generous of me, considering —

My host then responded defensively, layering on exclamation points and insisting that he was right about the issue in question and I, his review-writing guest, was wrong. 🤯

Voice of Anger: [Nuclear explosion]

"You have no business being in hospitality," I rage-texted, with considerable constraint as smoke billowed from my ears.

This minor exchange left me both fuming and ashamed for hours.

Sure, I was restrained, but the tension was thick and I'd reacted from my anger—which rarely leads to the best outcome.

Nevermind that it feels out of integrity for someone who writes preachy advice on the internet about processing emotions.

I was also stumped... because I do practice emotional alchemy by trade, I know that:

Beneath anger often lies pain. Anger is simply the mask for a more tender part of us who is suffering.

So how does another person's ignoramus existence hurt my feelings? Well, I thought about it.

High achievers bend over backwards to do things right. We live according to a very high set of standards that are, if not self-imposed, self-maintained.

And wow does this internalized pressure hurt a bit.

If we intense, dedicated, hyper-motivated types weren't holding this entire planet together, what might happen!?

(Nevermind the extent to which we've overengineered it.)

It's far easier to project that pain onto people who have the nerve to float through life with relative ease...

...than it is to unpack our own hefty rulebooks and figure out what's not serving us.

I’m not suggesting that you devolve into a slow and stupid jerk who doesn't care about your business.

But maybe you could relax a bit.

Maybe you could lower your own internal pressure in more meaningful ways than rage-texting your adversaries or writing scathing one-star reviews.

Conveniently, I help with this. Drop me a line if you want to talk about it.

With love—

​Rachel​