What you sacrifice for true success
12.02.2022
“I wonder if this ambition is who I really am. Am I really, deep down, so driven to aim bigger all the time? Is ambition my true nature, or is it just my conditioning?”
— Anonymous founder
This text was copied from an email I sent to my list on December 1st, 2022. You can sign up to receive weekly insights on creativity, consciousness and the human spirit at work here.
I had a consultation with a founder who had recently sold his company.
He was questioning what to do next, when 'next' could be almost anything he wanted. At the same time, he was feeling an internal pull to slow down and learn to be again. He had long been addicted to the dopamine of fighting fires in his business, it had been years since he'd taken a vacation and he had a new baby on the way.
He said something that really struck me:
I wonder if this ambition is who I really am. Am I really, deep down, so driven to aim bigger all the time? Is ambition my true nature, or is it just my conditioning?
I believe this question has a simple answer. Does ambition make you happy?
No.
Ambition, while useful, focuses mostly on what you don't have.
It can't possibly be your true nature, because your true nature is not hungry and hollow. It's perfect, in the way babies are, no exceptions. To feel it is to feel bliss.
One thing I'm struggling with as a coach at the moment is my personal evolution away from having goals.
Goals are kind of the point. You hire a coach to build and create something you want.
Lately I'm more interested in taking things away.
The man I referenced above had it all: financial resources, a big career achievement, loving wife and family, friends. But he couldn't experience any of it. He was compulsively checking his phone, often bored and having regular headaches.
We've come so very far from our true nature as a species.
To return, we must sacrifice—not our material pursuits—but all the parts of ourselves we've built to protect from the human experience.
Because there is, of course, pain as well as bliss.
You can't have one without the other.
But once you become disillusioned with success, you realize that feeling pain is better than going numb. By the time that occurs, you'll have built a coterie of voices inside your head.
These voices push you, prod you, guilt you, shame you, criticize you, 'motivate' you and blame you... anything to distract you from feeling the real pain beneath.
They whisper, "You're a bad boss for leaving so many people hanging over email."
"You can do more than this, shouldn't you be working?"
"What if we run out of money and can't make payroll? You've hired too many people."
Notice how each little voice cracks a whip, nudging you back into email... or sugar, booze, gambling, shopping, gaming, or some other dopamine hit?
These are your animals to sacrifice.
If you could instead slow down and feel the depths of fear and sadness over the issues that you're facing... well, it might scare the shit out of you, hence why the voices exist.
So they must be dismantled very lovingly. After all, animals were sacrificed to honor Gods. They were gifts, and so are your voices. An inner critic, for example, teaches diligence.
But more importantly, love is what we want to replace them with.
As you learn to lovingly dismantle the voices of your ego, you'll be freed from needing refuge in your phone.
Your pain can give way for presence, connection and bliss.
Until next time—
Rachel
PS: Yes, I can help you to lovingly dismantle these voices and integrate their gifts. Drop me a line to book a consult, or join my breathwork email list so you can come to my next event. Breathwork is a great entry point for the work I'm describing.